Beating Imposter Syndrome Before It Beats You

The Practical Path to Building Confidence and Owning Your Growth

You know that feeling. The one where, on the outside, everything looks like it's going fine. You’ve done the work. You’ve gotten the training. You’re technically qualified. People tell you you're doing great. But on the inside? Your brain is still tricking you into waiting for the moment when someone figures out you have no idea what you're doing.

There’s this quiet voice that keeps asking, "Are you sure?" before every decision. You double-check things you already know. You hesitate to speak up, even when you have the right answer. You worry that one mistake might expose you as a fraud.

And you look around, convinced that everyone else seems to have it figured out. They move through their work with ease and confidence, while you're still overthinking every step.

What makes it even trickier is that confidence isn’t just about feeling good in the moment. It’s part of what unlocks growth. Without it, you hesitate to take on bigger challenges, avoid situations that feel risky, and second-guess opportunities that could stretch you. The result is a quiet stall because you never fully step into everything you’re capable of.

This isn’t a knowledge problem. It isn’t a skill problem. It’s something else entirely. It’s the quiet, exhausting weight of feeling like you don’t belong in the chair you’ve already earned.

That weight has a name. And you're far from the only one carrying it. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’m still actively battling it.

Let’s talk about Imposter Syndrome.

THE SECOND-GUESS SPIRAL

Imposter syndrome rarely announces itself. Most of the time, it slips quietly into the background and starts pulling the strings. You don’t walk around saying, “I feel like a fraud.” Instead, it shows up in quieter, more familiar ways.

You overprepare for things you already know how to do. You reread emails three times before hitting send. You hesitate to make a decision without running it by someone else first, just to be sure you're not missing something obvious. You replay conversations in your head after meetings, analyzing every word and wondering if you sounded foolish.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stood in the shower, replaying conversations over and over, trying to see where I could have been better. A 15-minute shower turns into 30 as I worry whether my boss thinks I sounded crazy, whether a client is upset about how I handled a situation, or whether an employee is talking shit about me at home regarding the feedback I gave during a coaching session.

It also shows up as avoidance. You pass on opportunities because you tell yourself you’re not quite ready. You hold back from offering ideas in meetings, assuming someone else probably has a better thought. You struggle to take ownership of your wins, convinced they were just luck, timing, or help from others.

My imposter syndrome likes to team up with my insufferable social anxiety and turn networking events into nightmares. On one hand, I struggle to hold conversations without feeling awkward. On the other, my imposter syndrome chimes in with a constant loop of, “Why would this person even want to talk to me?” So I avoid them. And because of that lack of confidence, I’ve missed out on many opportunities at business conferences and networking events.

What makes all of this so sneaky is that, from the outside, no one sees it. You still show up to work. You still get things done. But internally, you carry a constant low-grade hum of anxiety, always trying to stay one step ahead of being "found out."

And over time, that weight adds up. It drains your energy and slowly chips away at your ability to step forward, take risks, and grow into the leader or professional you’re fully capable of becoming.

THE HIDDEN ROOTS OF SELF-DOUBT

The tricky thing about imposter syndrome is that it rarely has one simple cause. It’s usually a combination of factors that slowly build up over time.

The weird part for me was that my imposter syndrome didn’t kick into high gear until later in my career. It started to show its ugly head after I began having some success. I remember getting my first big promotion and leaving with the job offer in my hand thinking, "They must have been really desperate." And it didn’t stop there. In my second year with that company, I was awarded a trip to Mexico for a leadership retreat based on my performance, and I still thought it was a mistake.

If I caught myself excelling, I would convince myself it was only because the task was easy and anyone could have done it. At every turn, I found ways to discredit my success or downplay my efforts. What I eventually realized was that much of it was rooted in unrealistic standards of perfection.

Part of it starts with expectations. The higher you set the bar for yourself, the easier it becomes to feel like you’re falling short. You tell yourself you need to have every answer, anticipate every problem, and handle every situation perfectly. And when you inevitably don’t, instead of seeing it as normal, you take it as proof you don’t belong.

It also feeds off comparison. You look around at peers who seem more confident, more decisive, more experienced. You assume they’ve figured out something you haven’t. You forget that you’re often comparing your private doubts to their public highlight reels. Everyone is quietly wrestling with something, but imposter syndrome convinces you that you’re the only one.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” - Theodore Roosevelt

For many people, it’s also about reps. You simply haven’t had enough time in the role yet. Confidence is often built through doing. Through facing situations over and over until they feel familiar. Early on, when you don’t have those lived experiences to draw from, your brain fills the gaps with worry.

Sometimes there are deeper roots too. Upbringing. Past experiences. Messages you absorbed along the way about what success should look like. Over time, all of it blends together into this quiet pressure to prove yourself. Even when you’ve already proven yourself a hundred times.

And the longer it lingers, the more it convinces you that the problem is you, when really, it’s just a very human response to growth, responsibility, and the weight of caring about the work you do.

BREAKING THE CYCLE

The hard truth is that imposter syndrome doesn’t go away just because you’ve achieved more. If anything, it sometimes gets louder the further you climb. I know that is exactly what happened to me.

But it can be managed. You don’t have to stay stuck under its weight.

Speaking to a therapist was a very powerful Step One for me. Without the help of a professional, I would have never been able to understand what my triggers were or what steps to take. Through my own experience battling confidence and coaching others who’ve struggled with imposter syndrome, I’ve learned that the way forward can be found through a variety of strategies.

First, you have to recognize it for what it is. Those anxious thoughts aren’t facts. Just because your brain says, "You’re not ready," doesn’t mean it’s true. Start paying attention to when those doubts show up. Simply noticing them can help take some of their power away.

Next, separate feelings from evidence. Look at your track record. Look at the challenges you’ve handled, the decisions you’ve made, the situations you’ve navigated that once scared you. Confidence grows when you stop relying on how you feel in the moment and start trusting what your past actually proves. Give yourself credit for all the rad shit you’ve done.

One of the biggest steps that worked for me was learning how to talk about it. Imposter syndrome thrives in isolation. When you share those fears with mentors, peers, or friends, you almost always hear some version of: "Yeah… me too." That reminder, that you're not the only one, can be surprisingly freeing.

And then there’s the part no one really wants to hear: you have to keep stepping into it. Confidence doesn’t show up first. Action does. You build confidence by doing the thing, even while you still feel unsure. Every time you lean in to challenge yourself you collect another small piece of proof that you can handle it. Over time, those reps start to stack up. The fear doesn’t fully disappear, but it quiets.

“Do shit scared.” - Koleman

Confidence isn’t a finish line. It’s a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.

COACHING FOR CONFIDENCE, NOT COMPETENCE

Leading someone through imposter syndrome is different than coaching them on skill. You're not filling a knowledge gap. You're helping them untangle the story they’re telling themselves about their ability.

Even as someone who has struggled with confidence firsthand, coaching others on it has always been a challenge for me. No two people can be coached the same way, and unraveling why they lack confidence, especially if they’ve built walls from trust issues, takes care and patience.

The first step is naming it. Not in a way that calls them out, but in a way that creates safety. Let them know it’s normal to feel this way, especially in new roles or higher levels of responsibility. Sometimes, just hearing that what they’re experiencing has a name is enough to loosen its grip a little. But only a little. I can genuinely say that individuals with true confidence issues are rarely "healed" by this step alone.

Be vulnerable and share your own version of it. When a leader admits they’ve battled the same feelings, it sends a powerful message: this isn’t weakness, it’s human. You’re showing them that even capable, successful people have these moments and still move forward. You can also point to others they respect in similar roles who’ve overcome the same struggles.

Then, anchor them back to reality. Bring the conversation back to facts. Show them their wins, their progress, the times they’ve stepped up. Help them see what their doubt is blinding them to. They are great and deserve to stand up and celebrate themselves. Imposter syndrome lives in vague fear and reality breaks that down.

At the same time, keep stretching them. Don’t remove every challenge or overprotect them from risk. Give them opportunities to grow, make decisions, and take ownership, while staying close enough to catch them if they stumble. The goal isn’t to eliminate discomfort; it’s to help them learn they can survive it.

And finally, be patient. This isn’t a one-conversation fix. Confidence builds slowly. But with steady support, consistent feedback, and enough reps, you’ll watch them slowly shift from second-guessing to stepping forward.

THE TRUTH ABOUT CONFIDENCE

The tricky thing about confidence is that most people wait for it to show up before they act. They assume it’s something you earn after you finally feel ready. But it doesn’t work like that.

Confidence is what gets built because you were willing to leap. It’s grown through experience, not perfection. Through trying, stumbling, learning, and slowly realizing you’re more capable than your doubt wants you to believe.

Imposter syndrome will whisper that you’re not ready. That you’re not enough. That eventually, someone’s going to figure it out. But the truth is: you’re not faking it. You’re growing into it. Just like everyone else.

And whether you’re the one fighting those quiet doubts, or the leader helping someone else work through them, the answer is the same.

Name it, normalize it, and then keep going.

So tell me, Where has imposter syndrome held you back from stepping into something you’re ready for?

What’s one piece of evidence that proves you’re more capable than your doubt suggests?